Sometimes I love them…but most of the time I HATE them. Your doctor is supposed to help you, to be your savior; they’re supposed to believe and want to help you feel better. But sadly, with a diagnosis like fibromyalgia, myself and many others like me find ourselves constantly at war with our doctors. It is a constant fight to make them believe you are
sick, or if they already believe you then you have to fight to remind them that not EVERYTHING is fibromyalgia.
This morning I cried my eyes out. I can’t count how many times I have walked out of a doctors office sobbing. It’s embarrassing and so so SO frustrating; people look at you like “what the heck is wrong with her?!” Or with those sad pity eyes that just make everything worse. And the worst thing is sitting there in the office, in the stupid gown that always manages to show my ass no matter what I do, and sobbing to the doctor that I can’t continue living like this, that I can’t cope with this pain anymore, and him just sitting there and looking at me with boredom in his eyes; just looking at me with a look that says “stop being so dramatic” and telling me to “JUST DEAL WITH IT”.
So this morning…I finally got to see an orthopedic surgeon about the torn tendon in my hip (after over 5 weeks of waiting and a really annoying mix-up) and I had such high hopes for him to give me a plan to make my hip feel better. I was expecting to hear instructions to stop walking on it, and to schedule a surgery to repair it. What I heard instead was “it’s no big deal, it’ll get better eventually. It’s basically like having a scratch on your skin, I wouldn’t do surgery to fix a scratch because it’ll just get better.” And when I explained that I was not happy with that plan, I was told “I’ve never seen someone complain of this bothering them for 20 years, so it DOES get better eventually”, and “your fibromyalgia makes you extra sensitive to pain, so when it feels awful to you it’s really not that big of a deal”. When I attempted to explain the massive amounts of pain this is causing me, and how much it is affecting my ability to function in my life he suggested that I go to pain management…after id already told him that I’m on 40mg of OxyContin a day and it’s not touching the pain. I refuse to accept that more pain medication is the answer, that is only going to mask the symptoms, not FIX the problem.
I can’t even explain how mad I was (and still AM)…I cried and cried in front of him, and he sat there and just looked at me, and told me he’s sorry but I’m just going to have to deal with it. That it’ll get better EVENTUALLY.
I’m NOT dumb, I know this crap won’t heal itself…especially not if I follow that jackass’s instructions and WORK OUT.
I can’t handle any more doctors blowing me off. I can’t cope with this pain.
I just need someone to LISTEN for once. I need someone to BELIEVE ME. I’m not making this up; I’m not exaggerating.