Who the f@*$ am I?

Finding yourself is not a comfortable process, nor should it be. It is petrifying. — How to Find Yourself When You’ve Lost Yourself, Rebecca Lammersen (From Elephant Journal)


So I was reading Elephant Journal tonight, as I have been a lot lately (there is something about the deep thoughts and positivity that has just been soothing to my soul) and I came across this piece written by Rebecca Lammersen about finding yourself. While I loved the article, the writer uses words like “over time” and “began” to describe how this feeling happens. I do not think this is how it happens, at least not for me; I seem to find myself in a situation that slaps me across the face and I wake up and say “who the f@#* am I?”

Like now, for instance. 

I don’t know where along the way I lost myself and I don’t think it’s the typical “I’ve changed who I am” type of issue. I think it’s more like I’ve allowed myself to become invisible; I’ve sunk so much of myself into my husband and my relationship, and the stresses of life, that I’ve been slowly disappearing for a long time. Being chronically ill has cost me essentially all of my hobbies, my passions, my goals in life…so I don’t even have that to give myself definition. Not that long ago I was proud of the fact that I am a wife and a chronic pain survivor, but in the last couple of weeks I have realized that that should not be ALL that defines me. I can be so much more than that. 

The process, however? Absolutely petrifying. 






Filed under Chronic Illness, Divorce, Uncategorized

2 responses to “Who the f@*$ am I?

  1. You are so very strong, stronger than you might realize right now. But it’s there and the brave way that you are confronting the “process” will pay off immeasurably. 8)


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