What to do when nothing helps…?

I saw my therapist this morning…and his 2 notes of advice for today were 1) to get my anger out somehow (see yesterday’s post about how I’m feeling)
and 2) to attend a support group. #2 is in the works, but #1 I am stumped on.

I’m used to anger, if you met me in person you might be surprised by that statement…but it’s true. It’s one of my Bipolar Brain’s favorite emotions to throw at me, usually out of no where. So I’ve developed coping strategies; you’re reading one of them, plus doing some sort of physical activity (used to be running, then as I got sicker I switched to yoga), talking to my support system…you know, the usual “healthy” coping mechanisms you would find in any self-help book. I have a degree in psychology, I could WRITE the freaking self-help books.

My therapist says that anger turns in to depression when it’s balled up and kept inside, and the last time that happened I ended up in the hospital under a Baker Act…so I would prefer not to go to that place again, personally.

The problem is this, none of those seem to work today. I’m writing, and talking, but I have no words to use to describe this anger. No matter how much I write, or what I say, there is still this giant ball of anger and hurt just sitting in my chest. It won’t budge.

I’d like to just go and run until I can’t run any more and I’m sweating and crying my eyes out…like I used to do all the time. But after the fiasco that was yesterday’s physical therapy session, and the amount of pain/fatigue I have today, I wouldn’t get very far…and I’d probably render myself useless for days by hurting myself or wayyyy over-doing it.

So I guess I’m left with going home to a boiling hot Epsom salt bath, with candles and music, and hopefully a good long cry. Maybe that will help…

9 Comments

Filed under Divorce, Uncategorized

9 responses to “What to do when nothing helps…?

  1. I tend to take my anger out on the house. I’ll tear apart a closet and regorganize it or something similar. Something that I can throw myself into but is mindless….I need that time to mentally compose what I’m going to say to whomever or what ever drove me into a frenzy in the first place. Most of the time I never wind up unleashing on the actual person but I do feel relieved that I got it all out AND as a bonus I’ve got a clean closet.

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    • My house could sure use some anger right now! Perhaps if I feel well enough this weekend I will try that! The problem is that the person my anger is directed AT is always IN my house, so there is no escape there. :/

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  2. I’ve been known to kick holes in walls and trash my bedroom. Not recommending either one of these, but it sure felt good and I hope not to do it anymore. I’m really working on my anger. If you come up with a good method that works for you, please share. I’d love to do something less destructive.:)

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    • I have definitely made my fair share of holes in walls, usually by punching though. :/ I have also been known to punch brick walls…even to the point of literally injuring my hand. :[ And lately I have felt dangerously close to that place again, so I have been trying very hard to find other ways to vent the anger out.

      I’ve been doing a LOT of writing (as you can see lol), as well as a LOT of talking to friends, and crying. I also enjoyed bowling the other night; it was just physical enough to wear me out (seeing as how it was the most vigorous exercise I have done in almost a year), but not enough to HURT me. There was also a lot of laughing involved, which was very therapeutic :] That’s about all I’ve got at the moment…but if I find something else I’ll definitely make a post! :]

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      • Hi there AddieMarie,
        I know better than to attempt to punch holes because I know I would only break my weakened hand. LOL so much easier when I’m sitting on the “throne” and the wall is so close in front of me, to just give it a swift kick. I found the soft spot and I’ve given it more than one kick and two holes that now look like one great big hole. LOL Ouch on punching that brick wall. I bet you did injure yourself on that one. I know at the time we aren’t usually worried about harming ourselves because we’re already in so much pain.
        I’ve also been working really hard at trying to figure out different ways of dealing with my anger other than destruction. Writing, journaling, blogging, talking to friends via skype or on the phone is what usually helps me the most. But, most of my local friends have pretty much forgotten that I even exist, but I’ve become good friends with several right here on WP. I’ve even met my “new” best friend right here and we usually skype several times a week. Writing is a very good way of coping. It works well for me anyway. I do my fair share of crying. Glad to hear you were able to go bowling without injuring yourself. I used to bowl on a league, years ago, and that is something I really, really miss. I talk about going and giving it a try, but that would probably really be a dumb thing for me to do because I know it will hurt me, but one day I may just have to do it anyway. Yes, laughter is very good. I have a great sense of humor and I much prefer the laughter over the crying, but crying seems to sometimes take center stage over everything else. Sometimes we just need a good cry. Sometimes I have no clue what I’m even crying about. LOL I hope you are still pain free from the bowling and keep up the laughter, it’s good for the soul. Thank you for sharing with me. Have a “good” day, my friend. Take care.
        Peace,
        Tammy:)

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      • Hope you are having a “good” day as well! I seem to be fine from the bowling, and the laughter continues to happen more frequently…but the stress is definitely still there, and will be for quite some time it appears. :/

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      • I’m having a pretty good day, even though I’m in bed, but I’m keeping myself distracted with this blogging. It really does help to have others to talk to that really understand. If I keep myself busy doing anything, I can usually distract myself just enough to take the edge off enough for me to not be sitting here focusing on the pain. Glad you survived the bowling. I know sometimes I’ll do something and the pain won’t show up for a day or two afterwards, but I’m quite certain I would have a pretty good price to pay for bowling, but I don’t care, I am going to give it a try as soon as I can get some of this pain under better control. Won’t know now unless I try, will I? Keep on laughing and I hope you can get some stress relief soon. I’m quite stressed, myself. Gee, I wonder why we would be so stressed? LOL

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      • I am glad you are having a good day!

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      • 🙂 getting very tired and need to shut this computer off.

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