THAT person…

Last night I did what I never thought I’d have to do…I bought a safe. And not just any old safe for paperwork and such, a big lock box that will now contain all of my medications (pain killers, anti-anxiety meds, etc.) and any cash and valuables I may have in the house. Because I don’t trust my husband…

I hate that I am that person now…

What person? you ask…

The person who doesn’t trust her own husband so much that she has to lock up everything important. The person who is worried about whether all the money in the bank account will disappear, or what he will steal/sell/break when she’s not looking. The person who is afraid to bring home medication that she desperately needs, because her husband might steal it. The person who is terrified every day of coming home and finding him drunk or highagain.

Yeah. THAT person.

So now I sit here, trying to figure out what to do about my banking situation, so that he won’t have access to my hard earned rent money. And worrying about who is going to move out, and where I’ll go if it’s me. I’ve always paid all the bills on my own, with very little help here and there from him, but for the most part what little he earned was our savings…so that also means that now my, very fragile, financial safety net is gone.

Days like today I just want to run away, and lay in a hole somewhere (preferably my mom’s bed) until this whole thing just goes away. Or perhaps get into a Delorean and go back in time to a day…maybe August 26, 2009…or November 15, 2009…or December 31, 2012…anyway, some day where I could make a different choice so that I wouldn’t end up where I am.

9 Comments

Filed under Divorce, Uncategorized

9 responses to “THAT person…

  1. This may be the answer to your last post? Take care. 8)

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  2. I’m sorry……………………..that must be awful to have to live that way on top of all the illnesses. I wish you the best. Take care.
    Tammy:)

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  3. what a horrible horrible situation! you amaze me yet again! it is fine to be that person, you must protect yourself in this situation and you have done exactly the right thing. i hope you are able to find a resolution to this situation soon as it can’t be good for your health.

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    • Thank you again! (I feel like I say that every time I reply to your comments!) I am being THAT person at the moment, and just sitting with that fact, but I am not ok with being that person long term so I am taking steps to get myself out of this situation. It is definitely affecting my health, as I can tell I haven’t been sleeping or eating right and my pain/fatigue has been high. But everything is temporary, “this too shall pass”. 🙂

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