Yeah, that pretty much sums up the night I’m having.
You know how you know it’s a bad night? When you’re laying, half on the bed and half off it, just staring at the floor, because you attempted to sit up and couldn’t do it. When you’re brushing your teeth sitting on the toilet lid, supporting your arm on the counter just so you can hold the toothbrush. When you can’t even swallow enough to get your pills down. When the thought of making it across the room, where there are no walls or furniture to hold on to, is absolutely terrifying.
My body is full of concrete, can’t move it, won’t move it. Even now, typing this, only my fingers can move. Yet my entire body is twitching in random jerking movements, somehow it can move itself, I just can’t move it…apparently.
This twitching really freaks me out, I have to say. It drives me crazy; it hurts and it’s exhausting, and it scares me because I don’t know what is causing it. I have a referral to a neurologist, but I haven’t called yet…I’m terrified to go, and have them tell me “oh nothing is wrong with you”, AGAIN. After running a bunch of annoying, usually sucky and painful, tests…of course.
And the pain…oh the pain. That is all I will say about that….
Add to all of that the fact that it is almost midnight and I am not in the least bit sleepy…perhaps due to all of the miserable-ness. Regardless, even after taking Benadryl, here I lie, wide awake. At least if I could fall asleep things would (probably) be better when I woke up…
Am I whining? Yep. Deal with it. Tonight I don’t care, I’m allowed.