Like my little Shirley Temple tribute? No, I will NOT sing it, DON’T ask. 😛 That song always plays in my head when I think about “tomorrow”, and it is always in my mom’s voice, as she used to sing it to us all the time when I was a kid.
That song has been in my head a lot this week, as tomorrow is not only Valentines Day, but also my first wedding anniversary. Yeah…talk about a big bowl of suck.
The one day of the year where the whole country is love obsessed; where everything is pink and red and covered in hearts, and wherever you go there are couples acting so in love it’s sickening…and I am just sad. And hurt. And angry.
One year ago right now I was so excited I could barely contain it; I was running around like a chicken with my head cut off making sure that my bouquet got delivered, my maid of honor got picked up at the airport, his shirt and my dress were both ironed…and literally sewing my veil at midnight after quite a few glasses of wine. (Yes, it turned out beautifully, despite the wine, lol).
I can’t help but think, as I think back to this time last year, should I have known then? Should I have had a different answer when he got down on his knee? Should I have seen in his behavior that I was making a mistake? Was it a mistake?
Meanwhile, as I reflect, my “husband” is meeting dates on Craigslist, and laughing about it in my face. Strangely enough I don’t care that he’s meeting dates, I don’t really care what he does, but I do care that he is enough of a jerk to throw it in my face.
I could “shrink” him (I’m pretty good at that) and say that he’s just hurt, and rebounding, and trying to make me realize that I don’t want to divorce him…but frankly I don’t CARE why he’s doing it. It’s an asshole thing to do, and it makes me even angrier at him.
I wish I could make him understand that he’s not the only one hurt by this…
The afore mentioned veil :]