Sick and tired?…

I’m sure most of you have heard the saying “I’m sick and tired of being sick and tired”, it’s a favorite among chronically ill people…I don’t generally feel that way though. I’m used to being sick and tired, what I am is sick and tired of is having to HIDE how sick and tired I am. I’m sick and tired of having to struggle through day after day of work, and taking care of everyone and everything, all the while pretending that I don’t need to be in bed taking care of myself (or even better, with someone else to take care of me!). I’m sick and tired of keeping my “everything is totally fine and I don’t feel like dying” face on.

I know it’s probably wrong to say this, but I’m sick and tired of falling in the in-between; between “I don’t feel good, but I can still keep up my normal life” and “I’m too sick to get out of bed”. I wish for once that my body would just pick one end of the spectrum and stay there. This whole “I feel like I’m dying, and often wish I was, but I can still somehow manage to get done most of the things I need to do” is killing me.

*Don’t hate me for saying that!

And please, don’t tell me that it gets better with treatment, I’ve been preaching that message to myself and others for weeks…it’s not what I need to hear right now. Cognitively I KNOW it can get better with treatment, physically/mentally/emotionally I just don’t care today.

I don’t know why, but weekends are my worst days. I don’t know if the stress of the week catches up with me, or the fact that Sunday is my no-antibiotics day so that catches up to me, but weekends suck…especially Sundays. 😦

10 Comments

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10 responses to “Sick and tired?…

  1. I wish I could give you a big hug Addie Marie ❤

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  2. Totally get that! Maybe the adrenals know you have the day off and stay asleep? Dunno. Weekends are the only time I can be sick enough not to do anything….so I take advantage. 8)

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  3. doubtnichts

    I so completely agree with this. I spent a few months just hoping I’d be admitted to the hospital so I could sleep and stay in bed and just do the whole sick thing with no other responsibilities (and the hospital has cable! Total bonus!). Instead I go to the ER, and get discharged with a new random symptom and a new specialist to see and new tests to run… It’s exhausting. Both mentally and physically. And it would be soooo much easier if more people understood! (Clearly I’m making my way through your blog 😛 )

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