I have a degree in psychology. I have no idea what the hell I am going to do with it, but I have it; and I got it because I really enjoy psychology. My brain just naturally thinks in those terms (aka, I naturally “shrink” people, it’s just what I do). Which is all well and good, until it causes problems. Namely, I also naturally shrink myself.
This means that I second guess every thought, every action, every decision…and then triple, quadruple, and whatever the hell comes next, guess it.
See the problem now?
I am so tired of never really knowing if I feel or think what I do because that’s genuinely how I think/feel, or because of some insane psychological “cause” my brain has created.
Do I like a certain band because my parents dislike it? Because my friends like it? Or do I like it because I like it? Am I attracted to someone because they remind me of someone else? Or am I just attracted? Am I afraid of water because something happened to me, that I have repressed memories of, to cause that? Or does it just freak me out? Do I feel a certain way because it’s how I feel? Or because I am running away from an unhappy marriage? Am I inventing feelings in my head because of some Freudian issue deep down? Or is that actually how I feel?
It’s a curse, I tell you.
I just want to feel something, and for once not question it. Not try to come up with some issue straight out of a Psychology 101 textbook that explains exactly why I am experiencing said feeling. Not subconsciously try to explain it away or rationalize it.
I just want Freud, Maslow, Jung, Erikson, and all their friends, out of my head!
Don’t mind me…just feeling a little crazy tonight. Welcome to my brain, it’s sooo much fun here, isn’t it?