This treatment, or maybe it’s the disease, is really screwing with my brain lately. Or maybe I’m just crazy…that’s an entirely likely possibility… I’ve been told treatment can do this, but honestly who fucking knows what’s what anymore.
I’m a happy person, a positive person, a calm even in the face of a storm type of person…but apparently not anymore! Now I am a moody, melancholy, down, stressed, sad, everything sucks type of person. I hate that.
I feel like it is slowly chipping away at what makes me, ME. (See, there I go again being all melancholy and negative!)
My moods flip out of nowhere, but it’s not exactly like a bipolar mood swing because those I’m used to. It’s more like I will be ok, content, my usual self…and then out of nowhere, BAM! Sad. Or angry. Or lonely. Or depressed. (You get the picture).
I feel so terribly alone, even though I know I’m not…I have family, and really wonderful friends. I guess talking to, or being around, other people helps keep me me by warding off the melancholy. The problem is, other people have lives…they can’t just babysit me all the time to keep me sane, and I don’t want them to have to. I don’t want to tell people that I am so needy lately because I feel like this. I don’t want to be a burden.
Maybe I just need sleep…but I’m probably just crazy.