I am planning a hibernation. A for real, serious, not leaving my house for a very long time, hibernation.
I’m stockpiling food, committing to absolutely no obligations, warning everyone that every plan is tentative at the moment, and getting things that I’ve been wanting to do done so that they won’t be hanging over my head. I’ve got a list of tv shows and movies to watch, books to read, and projects to work on. Oh, and my cat to keep me company.
I’m ready. Let’s do this.
Fact is, it’s not actually going to happen, because unfortunately life requires leaving the house occasionally. Regardless, I’m preparing for it anyway.
I just don’t want to leave my house; I mean, I do but I don’t.
I am not depressed, or isolated, or antisocial, don’t worry…it just hurts.
The light hurts, the air hurts, the pressure exerted on my body by gravity hurts…breathing hurts, moving hurts, talking hurts. (I mean physically hurts)
I just don’t want to try anymore, I don’t want to wake up and put on my face and pretend everything is ok when just breathing hurts.
So starting Thursday of this week I’m hibernating. I may come out occasionally, but if I don’t want to I’m not going to…and if I don’t want to put on my “everything is ok” face, then the world will just have to deal with it! I have spent the last 15 years or so putting on my face and I am going to allow myself the next few months to not have to if I don’t want to, I think I’ve earned that.
Why Thursday you ask? Because on Wednesday I am having my picc line placed to start IV antibiotics for lyme on Thursday…so I am preparing myself to most likely feel really terrible for the next few months.
It’s gonna be a super fun time…which I am sure ya’ll will hear about :]