I miss my brain.
I’ve been sick my entire life, but there were quite a few years where I was not “THIS” sick…and I was smart, and funny, and I thought about things. Now? I’ve spent the majority of my waking hours today staring at the wall; I’ve been sitting here for an hour trying to write something worthwhile and I simply can’t. So instead I tried to read, yeah right!
Today I feel worse than usual, which is saying something. It’s probably the IV antibiotics I started last week catching up with me, or maybe the fact that I’ve had a particularly long and stressful week, maybe that’s catching up with me. I’m lacking sleep since I spent 2 nights this week in the emergency room, I’m stressed because my doctor keeps blowing off my concerns and the fact that I keep ending up in the ER, I’m angry about that too. I also probably did way too much housework all at once last night. Whatever the reason, my body and mind have both crashed, and it sucks.
I recently went back to school, which is awesome, but it’s made me realize just how bad my brain is now. I have realized that I don’t remember much of anything. Of course I can remember dates, conversations, when my doctors appointment is, etc. but I cannot for the life of me remember what I read 5 minutes ago or what the professor said yesterday in class. Thank goodness I take awesome notes…a learned skill I’m sure, since this issue has been getting worse and worse over the last 8 years.
So I wrote this 2 1/2 hours ago, yet never posted it because I’ve been sitting here staring at nothing like a zombie. Where has my brain gone?