I was going to write a post tonight, but honestly I don’t have the energy and this sums up what I’m feeling so perfectly.
Last Christmas was hard for me because I was sick, and this Christmas I’m sick too but that’s not why it’s hard…it’s hard because he’s not here. It’s hard because I don’t know where he is, if he ate today or if he even has a place to live anymore. It’s hard because I miss him being here, but at the same time I really don’t. Wow it hurts to admit that.
I just sat down here to congratulate myself on being so ok today; I didn’t cry, I didn’t think about him, and I didn’t even really miss him until now…because it just occurred to me that I was so ok because I never stopped to let myself feel something. From the time I woke up till now I have been doing doing doing so I didn’t have to think about it.
Well now I am going to feel something, I am going to sit here and be sad, because that’s ok.
Merry Christmas everyone. Let’s hope next year is better for all of us. ❤
Her kids are 500 miles away. The mandatory waiting period for her state to finalize her divorce will end in 2015. This is her first Christmas where everything’s broken.
“It’s amazing what you can get used to,” I said.
From now on our troubles will be out of sight.
I waxed philosophically about how in the grand scheme of our lives this really doesn’t matter and everything’s going to be okay and don’t let your emotions ruin an otherwise beautiful occasion. She gets me and claimed it helped.
But I bet it didn’t. I bet it didn’t help at all.
I was in the store earlier. So much life. Everyone moving this way and that buying drinks and snacks and last-minute ingredients for Christmas parties and dinners with friends and family.
That’s when you feel the most alone after divorce.
That’s why divorced people…
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