Tag Archives: adrenal fatigue

Fearless Healing: Finding Strength Within Weakness

Such an incredible post. I have attempted to say many times exactly what Shelley has managed to say, as if her words came out of my own heart.

Embrace the body's innate healing mechanisms

The world constitutes strength as possessing physical power, societal power, and financial power. In illness, we learn great insight and wisdom on this subject. We learn what most do not learn until they are elderly. Weakness has nothing to do with muscles, fame, or fortune. It has everything to do with facing unimaginable heartache after heartache, allowing ourselves to break down and be human which renders us as desperately vulnerable, and then having the courage to wake up and face yet another day.

In fact, all of the aforementioned attributes regarding the world’s take on strength possess the power to quickly turn themselves into major weaknesses. Furthermore, they possess the power to turn mankind into animals. As individuals facing struggles unbearable to most, we are endowed with the great gift of gaining perspective on such a crucial matter in life.

We change dramatically the moment the doctor mouths a diagnosis…

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Filed under Chronic Illness, Uncategorized

Knowing my body…

Just because I know my body, doesn’t mean I always like her. Sometimes I feel down right betrayed by her. How dare she have the nerve to look like a perfectly healthy young woman, yet feel like an 87 year old grandma. That’s just not fair.

And then there is the ever present battle inside the chronically ill patient; my mind tells me I want to do something, and that I should, but my body and past experience tells me that I will majorly regret it if I try.

I’ve felt pretty good recently too good. So naturally my brain starts in with “maybe you could try to_____” or “if you just took it really easy…”

But I’ve been down that road before, I’ve taken the chance and reallly regretted it. And then my body decides to drive the message home (just in case I was actually thinking of doing something) with a few days of feeling really crappy and completely out of control of my own body…just to make sure I remember that I am actually not in charge here. :[

So this sequence of thoughts always leaves me feeling down, remembering all of the things I used to be able to do but can’t anymore.

For example, I used to train in martial arts (Tae Kwon Do); I have a 4th degree black belt that took me close to 13 years to earn, as well as an instructorship position, referee certification, and awards from having competed at both the state and national levels. Now I haven’t trained in several years, and can barely make it through the grocery store without wanting to collapse. My two younger sisters, for some strange reason, have decided to take up karate (they’re bored, and crazy lol)…so all of a sudden ALL they talk about is karate this, and karate that. Recently at a family dinner they were going on and on (and ON!) about it, and it got me thinking, “maybe I COULD do that again?” I miss it so much more than I can explain; it is the one thing that I light up when I talk about, and I can talk for hours and hours about it! So I started to get excited; I thought maybe I’ll pull out my uniform, do a little training alone so I can take it as slow as I need to. I can do this!

But nooooo…my body decided I needed knocked down a few pegs. I was getting a little too energetic and optimistic. So it decided to not let me get a decent nights sleep for several weeks now, plus increase my fatigue and pain, and oh let’s throw in some major motor tics too (just in case I started to think I actually had control over my own body!) Not to mention a POTS flare up and some random blood sugar drops, just for good measure.

Thanks body, love you too. :/


Filed under Chronic Illness, Uncategorized

New diagnosis!

As if I needed more diagnosis’ to add to my laundry list, right?! The thing about these is that they may in fact be the root cause of most of the others! That’s really mind blowing to think about…

Anyway, here is the list of new ones…

Chronic, neurological, Lyme disease


POTS (Postural Orthostatic Tachycardia Syndrome)

Mold toxicity

and Adrenal fatigue

Whew! That’s a lot!

So this past week I embarked on treatment for the Lyme disease/bartonella…the thing about treatment is that chances are you will get much worse before you get better. It involves several different antibiotics, as well as a huge list of supplements and vitamins.

Watch the video below for more information on Lyme and Bartonella.

Overall I had a decent first week of treatment; the first day of antibiotics I experienced what is known as a “Herx” reaction. A Herx reaction is defined as “Herxheimer reaction, n.pr an increase in the number or degree of symptoms caused by a rapid destruction of antigens, cell particles, and toxins, that occur during treatment.” I took the first dose of antibiotics in the morning, and by about 6:30pm when I got home from work I felt strange, but couldn’t put my finger on what was wrong. I took the second dose soon after I got home, and by 9pm I had a headache, was having trouble holding my head up or my eyes open, I felt as though my body did not belong to me, like my brain was shut off and disconnected from the rest of my body. It was like a really bad “trip” combined with high doses of narcotics, and it was NOT as fun as that sounds. But by the next morning it had passed, and I have not had that reaction since.

Today I feel rather crummy, but in a different way. I feel as though I am coming down with a cold, even though I am fairly certain I am not. I ache, I’m tired, my throat is raw, and all I want to do is lay in a cool, dark, quiet room all day (so that is exactly what I am doing as I catch up on my blogging!). I feel as though the rest of the world is too harsh…something about the combination of lights and sounds is simply too abrasive.

As a dear friend said to me the other day “and so the roller coaster begins”.

Here’s to hoping this is the first step on a long road to living a better, healthier life. :]


Explanation of POTS:


Explanation of Lyme disease/Bartonella:




“Under Our Skin”

Definition of Herx:





Filed under Chronic Illness, Uncategorized