This week I did a couple of things that I have been wanting to do for quite a while…and that terrify me.
1.) I went back to school! I have been wanting to do this since I graduated 2 years ago, but I let my health, my ex husband, money, and not knowing what I wanted to do get in the way. Not anymore! If I’m too sick, I don’t care, I’m going to live my life. Plus I finally think I know what I’m supposed to do with my life, now to just do it…and it’s going to be a long road.
I enrolled in just one class, Parasitology and Human Disease (lol!), and based on the first day of class I think I picked the right one. One professor is funny and the other seems very nice; plus the schedule appears to be the right pace for me to be able to handle. And I’ve also made a sort-of friend! (That’s a huge deal for me with my social anxiety 😦 ).
2.) I quit my job. This is really hard to do, not to mention really scary. I’ve known it needed to happen for quite a while but it’s easier said than done. I love the kids I watch and the family I work for, they’ve done a lot for me over the 4 years I’ve worked for them. I’ve watched the kids grow up a lot, and can’t imagine not being there to continue watching.
Not to mention all the complicated emotions that come with losing the ability to work due to illness. This is the first time that I have really felt like this disease is ruining my life; the first time I really feel like it is taking stuff away from me. I’ve been lucky to not have had to really deal with those emotions before, but that makes this harder. I feel like I just was pushed off the end of a cliff and I have no idea what is at the bottom. I am not entirely sure how I will support myself, or when I will be able to work again, or IF I will be able to work again…if I’m being completely honest. That’s absolutely terrifying.
I’d like to write more but I’m just pretty exhausted and numb. I don’t know what to say other than that I hope I’m making the right decisions.