Tag Archives: health

The story of the cracked pot

By Sacinandana Swami

A water bearer in India had two large pots, each hung on one end of the pole he carried across the back of his neck. One of the pots had a crack in it, and while the other pot was perfect and always delivered a full portion of water at the end of the long walk from the stream, the cracked pot arrived only half full. This went on every day for two years, with the bearer delivering only one and a half pots of water to his master’s house.

Of course, the perfect pot was proud of its accomplishment and saw itself as perfectly suited for the purpose for which it was made. But the poor cracked pot was ashamed of its imperfection and miserable that it was able to accomplish only half of what it had been made to do. After two years of what it perceived as bitter failure, it spoke to the water bearer one day by the stream. “I am ashamed of myself and I want to apologize to you.”

“Why?” asked the bearer. “What are you ashamed of?”

“For the past two years, I have been able to deliver only half my load because this crack in my side causes water to leak out all the way back to your master’s house. Because of my flaws you have to work without getting the full value of your efforts,” the pot said.

The water bearer felt sorry for the old cracked pot, and out of compassion he said, “As we return to the master’s house, I want you to notice the beautiful flowers along the path.” Indeed, as they went up the hill, the old cracked pot took notice of the sun warming the wildflowers on the side of the path. The pot felt cheered.

But at the end of the trail, the pot still felt bad because it had leaked out half its load, and again it apologized for its failure. The bearer said to the pot, “Did you notice that there were flowers only on your side of your path, but not on the other pot’s side? That’s because I knew about your flaw and took advantage of it. I planted flower seeds on your side of the path, and every day while we walk back from the stream, you’ve watered them for me. For two years I have been able to pick these beautiful flowers to decorate my master’s table. If you were not just the way you are, he would not have such beauty to grace his house.

For the majority of my life I have heard this story every year at a martial arts camp, and it has always tugged on my heart. However, the older and sicker I get, the more it speaks to me.

Tonight, as I sat here trying to write the quintessential “Happy Thanksgiving!” post, I just couldn’t do it. I’m thankful, really truly I am, for so many things…I’m just feeling like a cracked pot right now.

It’s been a hard few weeks, I’ve been in a lot of pain and spending a lot of time in the “deep dark lyme place” of sad emotions.  I’ve had a lot of stuff going wrong with my heart, which I will write about one of these days when I have energy for that, that make me very stressed and angry.

Last weekend I had a flat tire on my car, so I set out to change it. I’d never done that before, but I knew technically how it should be done. With my sister’s help to lift things I managed it…and then was miserable for 3 whole days afterward. I just wanted to be able to do something for myself, to know that I could take care of myself in an emergency…and I did it, but I really should not have. I want to be able to do normal people things without hurting myself or feeling so sick I want to die.

I don’t want to feel like this anymore, I don’t want to be in pain anymore. I don’t want to be this sad person. I used to feel like a strong person, like I could cope with anything and still be a happy, positive person…not anymore. I’m angry that lyme and this pain have taken that away from me.


 

“When I was treating aids, none of the patients wanted to die, yet they did. Now, treating Lyme, the patients want to die because of the pain, but they usually can’t…Lyme takes you to the edge of death and leaves you there” Dr Jemsek.

Dr Jemseck gets it. That is exactly how I feel lately.


 

So tonight I will read the story of the cracked pot, and try to remind myself that I am simply a cracked pot and that somewhere there are flowers that I will be able to water with my flaws.

http://www.sacinandanaswami.com/en/s1a38/wisdom-stories/the-cracked-water-pot.html

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Pity party time

I don’t do this often, but tonight I am going to let myself.

This sucks.

I’m sick of feeling this way.
I’m sick of spending my evenings boiling coffee (see here for an explanation of that statement) and taking pills instead of out doing fun things like people my age should be.
I’m sick of spending more time in doctors offices than I do with my family (my ex husband used to hate that).
I’m sick of the pain. So much pain I don’t have words to describe it. The best I can do is brain numbing, gut wrenching, cant think about anything else, pain. It makes me want to cry, and throw up, and lay down right where i am and curl up in the fetal position and die. <—- I’m sick of that.
I’m sick of my body tic-ing uncontrollably, at the most inconvenient times.
I’m sick of worrying.
I’m sick of being scared to go on with my life; sick of doubting my abilities to do what I want to do.

I’m just sick, and tired; and sick and tired of it all.

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Desperate Detox Measures

I have sat down several times in the last couple of weeks to write this post, and somehow it just never gets written…I guess it’s a weird topic to write about!

As part of my lyme disease treatment I have recently started doing some things to help with detox…namely, coffee enemas. (I know, I know…)

I won’t go in to the details, you all know how google works, and I will put some links at the end of this post if you really want to know. Or you can always email me if you want an actual explanation of the nitty gritty details, or help with how to get started doing them yourself.

What I do want to tell you, however, is my experiences with doing them.

I started doing them because I knew I was killing (or hopefully killing!) lyme buggers, and needed a way to make sure they were getting out of me! (If the dead buggers and the neurotoxins they release don’t get out, they cause awful herx reactions, which are quite unpleasant to deal with, to say the least!) Other, perhaps more popular, methods of detoxing are epsom salt baths, dry saunas, etc. Well where I am staying at the moment I do not have access to those things. So that left me with the enemas, and since detoxing is so so SO important, I figured it was worth a try.

The first few times I started slow (less coffee then is recommended), and didn’t really feel any different afterwards. So I got frustrated and gave up for a couple of weeks. But I have a friend who swears by them, and she insisted that I needed to give it another try, so I did.

After doing one daily for a couple of weeks now, I feel comfortable saying that they DO help. The biggest thing for me is that I can literally be in a lot of pain, have a headache, and just be feeling really crappy, and after an enema I can go to bed without needing a pain killer or headache medication or anything. That is essentially life changing when you deal with the amount of pain I deal with on a daily basis. Now, it is not a miracle cure, this does not mean that I have NO pain…it just means that it lowers the levels from “OMFG kill me now!” to “I can handle it”.

I also have noticed that my “IBS” symptoms have been much much better lately. I am not sure if this is due to my recent diet changes, the guns blazing attack I have been waging on candida, or the enemas…or all of the above. But regardless, I’ll take it! Being able to eat a meal without running for the bathroom is a wonderful thing :].

I am pretty confident that the enemas are part of the reason that I have not had too many issues with herxing over the last 4 weeks. I have had a couple of doosies (yes, I said doosies, don’t mock me), but nothing nearly as extreme as I have heard of other people experiencing, or what I expected to experience. We shall see, however, if this continues to be the case when my doctor switches up my meds in a couple of weeks!

The downside is that the enemas are a huge energy suck. I do mine right before bed, because once I do it I have no choice but to go to bed and lay down. I have absolutely zero energy, often so little that I can barely stand or walk for more than a few seconds. I see this as a plus, however, it means my body is working hard on getting me well and getting rid of toxins and buggers!

So for now, all grossness aside, I guess I’ll keep doing them. I can’t argue with decreased pain, and at this point if it’ll help me feel better, I’ll try it!

 

Information links:

Click to access How_Coffee_Enemas_Work.pdf

http://www.thewellnesswarrior.com.au/2011/11/wellness-warrior-tv-how-to-do-a-coffee-enema/

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Fearless Healing: Finding Strength Within Weakness

Such an incredible post. I have attempted to say many times exactly what Shelley has managed to say, as if her words came out of my own heart.

Embrace the body's innate healing mechanisms

The world constitutes strength as possessing physical power, societal power, and financial power. In illness, we learn great insight and wisdom on this subject. We learn what most do not learn until they are elderly. Weakness has nothing to do with muscles, fame, or fortune. It has everything to do with facing unimaginable heartache after heartache, allowing ourselves to break down and be human which renders us as desperately vulnerable, and then having the courage to wake up and face yet another day.

In fact, all of the aforementioned attributes regarding the world’s take on strength possess the power to quickly turn themselves into major weaknesses. Furthermore, they possess the power to turn mankind into animals. As individuals facing struggles unbearable to most, we are endowed with the great gift of gaining perspective on such a crucial matter in life.

We change dramatically the moment the doctor mouths a diagnosis…

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New diagnosis!

As if I needed more diagnosis’ to add to my laundry list, right?! The thing about these is that they may in fact be the root cause of most of the others! That’s really mind blowing to think about…

Anyway, here is the list of new ones…

Chronic, neurological, Lyme disease

Bartonella

POTS (Postural Orthostatic Tachycardia Syndrome)

Mold toxicity

and Adrenal fatigue

Whew! That’s a lot!

So this past week I embarked on treatment for the Lyme disease/bartonella…the thing about treatment is that chances are you will get much worse before you get better. It involves several different antibiotics, as well as a huge list of supplements and vitamins.

Watch the video below for more information on Lyme and Bartonella.

Overall I had a decent first week of treatment; the first day of antibiotics I experienced what is known as a “Herx” reaction. A Herx reaction is defined as “Herxheimer reaction, n.pr an increase in the number or degree of symptoms caused by a rapid destruction of antigens, cell particles, and toxins, that occur during treatment.” I took the first dose of antibiotics in the morning, and by about 6:30pm when I got home from work I felt strange, but couldn’t put my finger on what was wrong. I took the second dose soon after I got home, and by 9pm I had a headache, was having trouble holding my head up or my eyes open, I felt as though my body did not belong to me, like my brain was shut off and disconnected from the rest of my body. It was like a really bad “trip” combined with high doses of narcotics, and it was NOT as fun as that sounds. But by the next morning it had passed, and I have not had that reaction since.

Today I feel rather crummy, but in a different way. I feel as though I am coming down with a cold, even though I am fairly certain I am not. I ache, I’m tired, my throat is raw, and all I want to do is lay in a cool, dark, quiet room all day (so that is exactly what I am doing as I catch up on my blogging!). I feel as though the rest of the world is too harsh…something about the combination of lights and sounds is simply too abrasive.

As a dear friend said to me the other day “and so the roller coaster begins”.

Here’s to hoping this is the first step on a long road to living a better, healthier life. :]

Links:

Explanation of POTS:

http://www.ninds.nih.gov/disorders/postural_tachycardia_syndrome/postural_tachycardia_syndrome.htm

Explanation of Lyme disease/Bartonella:

http://www.lymedisease.org/lyme101/lyme_disease/lyme_disease.html

http://www.lymedisease.org/lyme101/coinfections/bartonella.html

WATCH THIS VIDEO!

“Under Our Skin”

Definition of Herx:

http://medical-dictionary.thefreedictionary.com/Herx

 

 

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Health update

So it occurred to me that I haven’t written about my health lately (I’ve apparently had other stuff on my mind…I wonder why that is? :/)

So I guess I’ll write an update…

First of all, I have been having a surprisingly good few weeks…so good that I’m literally waiting for the hammer to drop; any day now I’ll wake up and not be able to walk or something…things have been just way too good. I’ve been sleeping (for the most part) a normal amount, fatigue has been way less than it usually is, and pain has been lower than it has been in over a year! (Probably longer than that!) Also I have had very minimal twitching and no electric shock pains for quite a while.

Here’s what I’ve been doing:
– been getting better at gluten free/ sugar free eating
– added magnesium and vitamin D supplements, and vitamin B12 injections
– added Oil of Oregano supplement (to combat candida, more on that in a minute)
– been much better about taking my probiotics
– started drinking apple cider vinegar (also to combat candida)
– kept up with weekly chiropractic/acupuncture appointments
– added flax seed into my diet almost every morning
– kept up with adrenal support cocktails also almost every morning, and some afternoons too
– oil pulling every morning
– dry brushing before baths/showers
– started making kombucha…although I have not drunk any yet. That’s a post for another day, in about 2 weeks when it’s ready!
– preparing to try coffee enemas (also a post for another day, once I know how it goes!)
– working on understanding the results of my genetic testing, that shows quite a list of genetic mutations…most of which effect my ability to process vitamins (explaining my very low vitamin D and B12 levels!) Perhaps more on this when I understand it a little better…

So as you can see I’ve been busy working on my health, even if I haven’t been blogging about it!
I have no idea which of these things is causing me to feel as great as I do, but I’m not complaining!

Although there is one problem…I have a long anticipated (and very expensive!) appointment with a specialist coming up in about 3 1/2 weeks. “What’s the problem?” Right? Well, those of you who are chronically ill will understand…but it is the worst possible thing that could ever happen to be feeling great when seeing a new doctor for the first time. Just trust me on this one…

So what’s a girl to do? Hope I wake up feeling horribly crappy sometime soon, or pray that this doctor will be willing to ignore the fact that at the moment I look like a fairly healthy young woman. Personally, I’m hoping for the first scenario, as crazy as that sounds.

What is candida you ask? Read this : http://www.thecandidadiet.com/candida-symptoms/

I have decided recently that what my primary care doctor keeps calling “a systemic yeast infection” should actually be called candida. I have SO MANY of the symptoms on that list (although yes, they could almost all be caused by other things). So since many, MANY rounds of diflucan (anti-fungal medication) from my doctor over the last 4 years really haven’t done much good, and most recently a round of ketoconizole (stronger anti-fungal medication) didn’t do much of anything, I’m going to take matters in to my own hands. I have added oil pulling, apple cider vinegar, probiotics, and oil of oregano pills to my routine, as well as changing my diet, and I already see more of a difference in my symptoms (mostly the thrush issue) than I have ever seen from rx anti-fungal medications. I have also successfully warded off 2 vaginal yeast infections so far before they got too bad using garlic.

Drinking the apple cider vinegar did cause what is called a herx reaction (http://medical-dictionary.thefreedictionary.com/Herx). A herx reaction is essentially a build up of dead things (in this case yeast cells) in your body, that accumulates and makes you feel like crap because it is more than your liver can manage to detox out of you. After about a week of gradually increasing the amount of ACV I was drinking per day (starting with 1 t. and then 1 T., then 2 T. etc.) until I reached 6 T. per day, I started to feel like CRAP. Like I mean I had a migraine complete with aura and sound/motion sensitivity for almost a week, and then horrible fatigue and shaking. So I have stopped the ACV for the time being, until I can work on detoxing better so that hopefully I won’t have such a bad reaction when I start again, or at least I will have ways to help my body through it.

Anyway, that’s what’s been going on! Just working on kicking candida’s ass, taking care of myself, and getting ready for this specialist appointment!!

Resources:

Info on oil pulling: http://mamanatural.com/how-to-do-oil-pulling/

Info on coffee enemas: http://www.thewellnesswarrior.com.au/2011/11/wellness-warrior-tv-how-to-do-a-coffee-enema/

Info on kombucha: http://www.thekitchn.com/how-to-make-kombucha-tea-at-home-173858

Info on apple cider vinegar: http://www.mindbodygreen.com/0-5875/15-Reasons-to-Use-Apple-Cider-Vinegar-Every-Day.html

Info on dry brushing: http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=0QpQZyze3Yk

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Changes

Yesterday I embarked on a new quest to better my health…clean eating. I have cut out gluten, sugar, and most, if not all, dairy. I have read quite a bit of research, plus heard many many personal stories of how this diet has improved people’s health and lowered their pain. This is also at the suggestion of my doctor, chiropractor and physical therapist. My doctor especially recommended it because I have a serious issue with chronic, systemic, yeast infections that have been unresolved with antifungal medications for the last 4 years. So I decided to try it.

I’ve been told so many times in the past, by so many doctors and well-meaning friends, that I needed to do this, and I have always refused.
I didn’t realize until I started this exactly why I was eating the crappy food that I was; but I think now that I felt it was the only area of my life where I could be normal. I never feel normal, it’s not normal to take the amount of medication I take, or be limited in the things I can do…so I figured if I could at least eat what I want, when I want, how I want…that was something. (There’s the psychologist in me coming out!)

The problem is that if all these people (and it’s a LOT of people) are right, then I’ve just been making myself sicker this whole time!

Time for an experiment!

Yesterday was my first day, and I think it went surprisingly well. Probably because it wasn’t all that different from what I used to eat when I felt well enough to put energy into losing weight.

Breakfast: green smoothie, handful of dry cereal (I screwed up and didn’t read the box before I bought it, so the cereal does have some sugar in it. I won’t make that mistake again!)

Lunch: leftover stir fry with chicken, over rice; homemade hummus and carrots

Snack: apple and a handful of veggie straws (again with the sneaky sugar! Luckily they weren’t my veggie straws, I was at work, so I won’t do that again either!)

Dinner: pork chops and zucchini on the grill (I marinated the pork, and AGAIN there was sneaky sugar in the marinade! I have to get better about reading labels!). I wasn’t thrilled with dinner, I think hubby over grilled the pork so it was dry, and the zucchini was just bland. Oh well, better luck next time…I’ll be looking for other ways to do the zucchini.

Snack: rice cakes.

All in all, not bad! I didn’t starve to death and I didn’t even feel like I was missing out on things. Today on the other hand…I’d really love a big bowl of creamy Mac-n-cheese right about now!

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